Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
