Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
