I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
