that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ketchup is God's man juice
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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