did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
