just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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