Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
