my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
