why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dignity is for republicans.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
