I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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