i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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