Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
