i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
