nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
