Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
