so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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