i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
