I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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