I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
