His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
