it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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