she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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