Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
