when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
