he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
