I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were destined to go to rehab together
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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