I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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