Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
