Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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