Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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