There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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