He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
