Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
