He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
