i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
