do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
