Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
