Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
