Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
