was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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