theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
