Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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