hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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