Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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