Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
