Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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