I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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