sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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