i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't deserve a penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
