i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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